This was a hilarious book! And I am not just saying that because I live in New Jersey.
So back in 1909, G.W. Key wrote M.H. Osborne to tell him about his findings, the mouth to Hell. Key described it in detail, everything he saw, and that he needed money because he believed it would attract people and make a profit. At first it was funded and through the generations continued until almost 100 years later. By then, or perhaps before, the people that hung around got weirder and sparse, not to mention the gift shop was not making money, so a letter was written from a man at a development company telling Ben who now had the business to shut it all down. He promised to discuss the financial bailout but refused to sell the property or the gift shop. He said the Hell's exit was his and always would be and they could have the land over his dead body.
Enter Dylan. The story is mostly about Dylan. All Dylan does is drink with his friend John, who drinks a lot too, and works at the Outer Shell gift shop. The gift shop connected to the supposed entrance to Hell. Dylan questions the existence of God because his life is so crappy. His mother is very sick and he cannot help her much less understand her and he has this horrible job. This gift shop had been around a long time. And although it does not get as many visitors as it used to, every night, where the entrance to Hell is, people are seen coming out of a massive rock face that is sealed in the daytime. It opens up at night to let the walkers through. The rock face is deep in the woods. You can look at the line but you cannot get too close or the Watchers, who are big and rough, are there manning the line and will beat the snot out of you. The walkers are supposed to keep there heads down, not look at anyone, talk to anyone, and stay a safe distance behind one an other single file. Where they end up is said to be the entrance to hell. They march into a pitch black hole that sounds like there was fire but no one saw fire and some said it smelled of burning flesh. So basically every night, The entrance to Hell opens up to let people out, but then the line leads right back to Hell.
Dylan and his John have watched the line. Many times. Plus Dylan has to put up with the tourists who come into his shop and are crazy most of the time. They ask Dylan questions he neither cares to answer or listen to. Luckily the gift shop is never that busy so he can drink on the job and close up early.
One night while watching the line, Dylan saw a girl. He kept wanting to go back to watch the line and look for her. His friend teased him. But Dylan felt like he needed to do something for her.
So Dylan and his best friend John try to find, as John calls her "Deady McHotty Pants"
So as John and Dylan are hatching a scheme, Deady McHotty Pants aka Lauren Adams, is outside Jay Stevenson's office in Hell. Jay is a counselor with a never ending line of people to counsel. Most of them just wanted passes to go above ground and be in the line. That is the closet they get to being anywhere near a normal life, for example fresh air, no heat. But they need a pass and Jay is very generous with his passes.
While Dylan and John are plotting how to infiltrate the line, and Jay is handing out passes, there is discord in Hell. The Devil is not how you would picture him. He appears weak but do not let appearances fool you. He has his right hand kiss-ass Mr. Black by him all the time. People in Hell for the most part like Satan (by the way across the united states there are 65 Hells, each with their own Devil) and that made The Dragon mad. The Dragon was a geek on Earth but came to hell and built a name and fake identity for himself and is biding his time to overtake Satan aka Daman.
Before their first attempt at the line, Dylan and John have a run in with Chris, aka "The Kid" named so because he has hair like Kid from "Kid and Play". Chris has been a line walker but he is alive. So the guys had a lot of questions for him and they convince him to help Dylan get into the line to talk to Lauren.
On the first attempt, John gets close to the line and starts talking to Lauren. She knows she cannot talk back but Dylan knows he sees her smile, even though she cannot look up and her head is down. That is all he needs. Now he really has to get in the line which Chris explained is more of being in a certain mind frame or the Watchers spot that you are different and toss you off the line and beat you.
Throw into the mix David Eastern, sitting waiting for the death penalty. He plays a part in this story too.
The second line attempt, Dylan infiltrates the line and gets right behind Lauren. She knows he is there and lifts up her hair and the words "Help Me" are carved into her neck. Now Dylan definitely has to find a way to get into Hell and help her.
Dylan finally, after one more failed attempt, gets into Hell. And this is where it gets good. His friends are not going to just let him stay in there.
So what happens? We have a lot going on. A guy who likes a girl trying to help her or perhaps save her, a Devil who has a possible coup on his hands, a killer who hears a voice that told him to do it and who's arrival in Hell is expected, Dylan's sick mother who was left alone when Dylan went to Hell, and Dylan's friends who go after him.
This book was so funny. The characters were not the best literary icons but I do not think they were meant to be. They were solid though. Their personalities were distinct and, again, funny. You remember everyone's name.
And the author's idea of this Hell walk I guess you can call it, the surface passes, and just the things that happen in hell are genius. For example if you are afraid of spiders, they pour buckets on you all day. Or if you are afraid of heights, they make you keep getting near the edge of a high place and jump off. The guards come get you for your daily torture.
If you have a dark sense of humor you will LOVE this book.
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